BeeMusing

Why a blog? As I grow older, gracefully of course, I keep having these profound thoughts about all kinds of things. At least they seem profound to me as I drive down the road, or stand in the shower, or lie in bed at night waiting to fall asleep. For some time, I have felt almost compelled to write these thoughts down. To preserve them so that in the future, my progeny will know what I loved and hated; what I found sad or hysterically funny. In other words, so that after I am gone, they can still know me.

Initially, I thought I would keep a handwritten journal. One with little doodles in the margins that, along with my handwriting, would give them further insight into what makes me me. I know I like to see how people form their letters and how they decorate their writing. Do they dot their i's or do they make little circles, hearts or smiley faces over them? Do they print rather than write? I thought my family might feel as I do. Surely they could get past the fact that my handwriting ain't what it used to be. So I bought a journal. A really lovely one. It has a finely pebbled black leather spine and back cover with a flint blue sueded front cover. It is filled with BLANK parchment-colord pages. And it has been BLANK for about 2 years now.

The problem with my thinking, I discovered is that the journal (or blog) should really be to help Me see what makes Me tick; to get in touch with the kinds of feelings and thoughts that make me driven to write them down somewhere. To read something I've written a year from now and either re-affirm those musings or smack myself in the head and say "What was I thinking?!"

I could still do that with pen and paper. But I have this perverse notion that other people may want to know about me and my journey to understand myself. I belong to a message board, a cyber home-away-from-home, if you will. While I have many friends there, two ladies in particular have touched me with their blogs. Their writings have made me cry, smile and laugh out loud. They write about their "Eureka!" moments when they discover something profound about life, either theirs in particular or about all of us . In sharing those moments, they allow me to know them better. It is these ladies who have inspired me to blog and someday, when I am more comfortable with this whole process, I hope to be able to share mine.

I want to avoid trying to "pretty" things up so that I sound like a fancy-schmancy writer. If I am pissed off about something, then I want to say, "I'm pissed off!" . If I am mad as hell at my husband, I want to spell it out, even if I know he will read it and maybe get his feelings hurt. I want to be eloquent, but I want to be real. That's just the kind of girl I am. (And I guess it wouldn't be bad at all to sound like a fancy-schmancy writer if I stayed true to myself.)

So, I begin my journey. We will see where I go.